That's how I'm feeling this morning. I'm heading back to the office one year minus one day from the day I preached for the call at St. Sociable. (First three posts... actually, last three posts, August 26, 26 and 25... from last August tell all about it). And... a lot has happened in a year.
Last year on this day, I was the preacher they hoped they might like. Today, I'm their pastor. I've gotten to baptize their kids and welcome them as members and marry them and stand at their sickbeds and over their graves. I've attended, oh, probably more than a hundred meetings with them, and done close to that many home communions. Last year all was hope and expectation. Today, all is "much to be done" and some measure of reality.
I still think there is a honeymoon aspect to our lives together, but maybe with a good match you still hear people saying they love you a year later. I'm not sure. This is my first practically permanent pastorate (they'll vote on that at some point), so I don't know exactly how these things go. But the feeling's mutual. Good friend MoreCows named her blog "You've Really Got to Love Your People," and that's a good mantra to carry around in the doings of my days.
So what gives? Why am I so... whiny today? I have been approaching the end of my vacation with funereal gloom. I feel bummed not to have more time. But, then, I went and re-read those posts from last August... remembered the delicious anticipation of the newness of the call. That was a wonderful thing to do. I feel again the joy of finding and being found, the thrill of being chosen. I am ready. Philippians 4:13 darling!!!
My prayer for today:
Author of all my blessings... my life, my loves, my children, my abilities, my call... Come upon me now. Fill me with the newness of each day, each challenge. Teach me to love my people. Teach me to meet the joys, the sorrows, the hornet's nests and the tastes of honey with equanimity and gratitude for it all. Grant me this one extraordinary privilege: that I may show, in some way, the enormity of your love. In your holy and unpronounceable name I pray. Amen.
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6 comments:
I think what you do for a living is wonderful. I'm not trying to influence how you feel, but the way you impact the lives of your congregation is really important to them. I know I don't know you in the meat world, but I'm so glad that we have people like you have hear the call and respond.
who have heard the call (shoot!)
That is one great post. Knowing many clergy people - well it is not the idyllic job it might appear. And isn't the real Kingdom when the illusions dissipate and real life enters in?
All creation in a great moan and cry and then new life.
Or something like that.
Your prayer is beautiful - I am printing it and will use as I move forward in my own vocational wilderness.
Pax my sister and thank you.
Thank you for the prayer, Mags. I'm having my own struggles as I go back to work today.
ditto, sister.
keep on keepin on...
the end of vacation sucks. big time. but also, i know you work way too many hours many weeks...and i am wondering about that today:) any way we can keep the hours down this year? it is really a question i am asking of myself too...
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