Monday, February 11, 2008

Anniversaries

Almost exactly two years ago, give or take 15 minutes, my brother called me from our hometown to let me know that my mom had died. She died at home, a hard death, from mediastinal cancer (a fairly unusual lung cancer-- she was a lifelong non-smoker-- that was probably secondary to breast cancer, of 15 years earlier). The one thing she didn't want was to choke to death, and that is exactly how she died, as the tumors encroached on her larynx and trachea.

I was in the living room on the couch, as I am now, on my laptop, as I am now. It was a Saturday night, and I was looking over my sermon for the next morning.

I had known she would die soon. I had spoken to her earlier in the day, her words nearly unintelligible at that point. I'd been in Big City with Petra and Larry-O at a college audition that day. I spoke to her as we headed for the highway, driving home in advance of a big snowstorm-- and we're supposed to get one tomorrow, I understand. That was the last time I would hear her voice, driving through the upper West side towards the bridge.

When the phone rang I leapt to my feet. I knew what was coming, and I needed to take the news standing up, I guess. I wailed. Larry-O and Petra came running, and as I sank down onto the couch again, they sat tightly around me, one on each side, and I sobbed. She was nearly 86. She was ill and miserable and sick of life and ready to go. And she did.

That's one anniversary.

On Wednesday it will be four years from the day Petra and I got into the car to drive to my parents' house so that I didn't have to watch my husband move out. (Larry didn't want him to move alone, so he stayed with him).

So that's the other anniversary.

I don't know why these are hitting me so hard this week. I'm just feeling it, is all. And I do covet your prayers.

15 comments:

Pastor Peters said...

Oh Mags. So many prayers for you. Last week was my mom's anniversary. I'm still feeling whiplashed by it. Hugging you from afar...

Jane R said...

(((Mags))). Two anniversaries, one on top of the other...

Read Doxy's new post on divorce. Though her situation is different from yours, I think you will find the post consoling.

Barbara B. said...

(((Mags)))
Absolutely sending you my prayers.

LittleMary said...

darling. compassion. it is hitting you because these things haven't been that long ago, and even when they are, this will still be a hard week. all unresolved grief. totally understandable, totally reasonable. feel it. let it out. and know jesus loves you and so do it.

Wyldth1ng said...

You are in my thoughts.

Suzer said...

{{{{Mags}}}} Surrounding you with prayer. May God give you comfort, and may His Mercy sustain you at this time.

Mother Laura said...

May Godde's mothering love surround and protect and console you as you remember both these painful times.

(((Mags)))

KnittinPreacher said...

(((Mags))) we need a prayer sign too! Prayers and hugs and love headed your way this day.

kp

"PS" (a.k.a. purple) said...

Tough stuff. 'Nuff said.

Iris said...

((((((Mags)))))))

Love you.

Jennifer said...

I remember your mother with such fondness and amusement (amusement is always a little easier when one is not actually related to the person in question). What a passionate woman she was! And how fiercely she loved you! Scary, but wonderful in its own way. Hang in there...

Jennifer said...

Should have said "Jem said."

Magdalene6127 said...

Thank you all... Jem! So nice to see you in this neighborhood...

Rev SS said...

I'm late getting here ... but hugs and prayers are coming your way from here too.

Amy said...

(((prayers))))