Longing

I had the experience of singing today, for the first time in a long time, with a group of people I know well. I have flitted in and out of the Madrigal Choir of (where I live) for the last 16 years. The first rehearsal of the fall is always a day-long affair, complete with a lunch catered by the ladies of the First Presbyterian Church. On this day we immerse ourselves, first, in exercises designed to help us listen, and then, in our fall repertoire.

We sang some old chestnuts along with many new macadamias today. I was caught up short by the sheer power of music to hold and mediate memories. We sang a lovely King's Singers setting of the James Taylor song "Lonesome Road."

Walk down that lonesome road all by yourself
Don't turn your head back over your shoulder
And only stop to rest yourself when the silver moon
Is shining high above the trees

If I had stopped to listen once or twice
If I had closed my mouth and opened my eyes
If I had cooled my head and warmed my heart
I'd not be on this road tonight

Carry on

Never mind feeling sorry for yourself
It doesn't save you from your troubled mind

Walk down that lonesome road all by yourself
Dont turn your head back over your shoulder
And only stop to rest yourself when the silver moon
Is shining high above the trees

I was reminded (as I have been a lot this week, I notice) with a painful time: the fall when I felt my husband slipping away, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. How powerful these memories have been this week may be a factor of a lot of things-- Larry-O's absence, for example, reminding me of the last time my family changed configurations so radically. But I think it's the bible, folks. There is something so... real about the emotions conveyed in these words, this ancient testimony to human longing and limits. This song, in all its piercing longing, connected for me with the psalm of the day, Psalm 63.

O God, you are my God, I seek you,
my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,
beholding your power and glory.
Because your steadfast love is better than life,
my lips will praise you. Psalm 63:1-3

Pray it slowly, aloud. Hear every word. Know how deep your longing is.